To be honest i was having cold feet at first. Before all this, when i was struggling to get my masters thesis done i was halfway from losing my sanity :p i can't wait to get this over with, my life was a mess, i want to submit, get through viva and be home for good. I could not face another day in utm, but my progress was rather slow. i don't know how it happened, but suddenly i managed to turn my life around. seeing my colleagues and batch mates submitted their thesis one after another made my bubble burst and i thought to myself "Allah.. i really need to start taking this more seriously". So i started hanging out more with my fellow lab seniors, meet more people who are also writing their thesis and they helped motivate me a lot. In the process, i started to love what i'm doing. my research now seem more like a promising journey rather than a tedious burden.
There are times i regretted not doing this sooner (there's no one else to blame for that but myself :P). However if i did finish my master a year earlier, i wouldn't have gain some close friends along the way. i could not express in words how thankful i am, firstly to adda, who pulled me back from depression (yes, as far as i hate to admit, i was in that state for a period of time), listening to the details of my problems even she has her own to take care of. K Ezza, my biggest source of inspiration, she's everything i wanted to be, independent and strong-willed. Everything is possible when it comes to her. Lin and K ainun, my stress-relievers who took my mind off things. And my other close friends who brought me up by believing in me when i'm doubting myself. Listing them all would be 10 pages long..
Ok so that was the prologue of this entry haha. Moving on. AFTER ALL THAT why do i still choose to further my study? As it says in the title PhD is a Pretty Huge Deal. Talking about committing 3 years of your life to do a research thesis that wouldn't even promise you a job. 3 years? Even my longest relationship doesn't last that long -.-' A lot can happen in a month, now we're talking 36 months. that is if i manage to get it done in time. hehe.
My 6 six years in utm has been one hell of a roller coaster ride. Apelah sangat nak tambah 3 tahun ye tak? Sebenarnya the main reason is because the opportunity presented itself. Prof offered me the position, mom dad gladly offered to pay the tuition fees and so it settled ;) senang kan? haha. Also, being around amazing people like k Ezza, k Puji, k Huda, k Nina, they all make PhD seem like a wonderful ride. Although God knows what each of them is struggling with. Besides, i am not committed to anything (yet), i'm young and able, sooner or later i'll have to take my doctorate anyway, so why not now. Life isn't going away..
i entered 2015 with hopes of having a job before the year end. Now its only 4 months left before we wave this year goodbye. Although pursuing a doctorate degree contradicts to my new year resolution, somehow i'm feeling at peace with this choice i made. Starting a new semester as a first year student suddenly sound so exciting! But why utm? why not other uni? Because after all this time this place kinda grew in me. So furthering here doesn't sound so terrifying, man, even making a decision for phd is already out of my comfort zone at least i want to do it in a place where i feel belong.
I better stop here before this story turns into something else haha. So toodles!
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